The Pain of Becoming


Chardonnay Beaver - Words of Wisdom

Influential Speaker, Storyteller, Creator of

WOWbyChar, and University of Washington Student.



The Pain of Becoming


How do the varying conditions in life aid us in our journey of growth?


As a young adult, I am learning to view suffering as a necessary ingredient for growth. Oftentimes we rush to Destination B without completing Destination A. The problem? The lessons provided in Destination A prepares us for Destination B. Each destination plays an important role in our becoming. Nevertheless, pain or trauma or suffering are experiences many of us steer away from. Why? Because those circumstances are uncomfortable, out of our control, and live beyond the boundaries of our expectations. The more we live opportunities to become present themselves. Becoming is defined as the process in which one is coming to be something and/or passing into a state of being. Various experiences condition us into a state of awareness about life, through lessons and encounters, that provide us with tools as we become. One of those experiences will involve death.

Over this past weekend, I was notified that one of my peers and former classmates had passed away. That news was disturbing to say the least. Since then I have grappled with the many changes that will occur in life, so sudden and swift. It seemed as though we were just running down the Madrona K-8 hallways, down the stairs, and onto the basketball court to watch the three-on-three basketball games we loved to play under the covered area on rainy Seattle days when the gym was occupied with elementary students. However, years have gone by and we pivot in different directions. This weekend, I was reminded that one is graced with the opportunity to cross paths with others, yet I hate that my peers' journey ended so soon.

With that said, although I may not like them all, I’ve learned to understand the contrast of life. For example, good and evil, life and death, old and young, rich or poor. In the words of Frankie Beverly, joy and pain are like sunshine and rain. All of these states of being are conditions. Within these conditions we have the opportunity to become and embrace the lessons within the journey. On the contrary, that doesn’t always mean that those lessons or gems of wisdom will come instantly. It also does not ease the pain or suffering we will experience. However, it has taught me to give myself grace and patience. Moreover, to extend grace and patience to others even if it’s unreciprocal. Warning: this is not easy!

Words of Wisdom by Char of the week: Our current suffering is incomparable to who we will become in this process. Give yourself grace. With each day, God willing, we have the opportunity to improve through discipline and transparency. Romans 8:18.